What is that vague Cthulu-like shape in the background?

Second post for the night! To kinda make up for how lazy I was before.

Ironically, Billies mission failed because he ran out of time.

No excuses.

There is no excuse for how late this post is, but, it involves chicken nuggets, so I hope my tardiness is forgivable.

"Shortly after snuggling the Hyena, Steve realized he was missing both his legs and his 4pc chicken nuggets."

Because snuggling with chicken nuggets involved never ends well. And you should quote me on that.

Survival tip #2

It suddenly dawned on me that I didn't make a survival tip last month, nor this month either, which, is rather appalling, if I do say so myself. Water collection is THE most important survival skill. You can go a week or two without food, but you can't go even a few days without water, and you'll be functioning at lower capacity within 24 hours. 

 So without further ado, tip #2, ancillary methods of water collection.

Collecting sea water can be accomplished by distilling. To distill the salt and debris out of sea water, collect it in a metal container and boil it. Place some sort of nonporous surface, such as a slab of bark, plastic bag, trashcan lid (washed of course!) over the steam from the container. The steam will condense on the surface,  generally, and you should tilt the surface to allow the condensation to run down into a bag or water container. Some people like to distill more than once, but one time should be enough to get rid of most bacteria and minerals, water should be drunk as soon as possible after distilling so more bacteria can't grow 

Collecting muddy water can be accomplished in a similar manner, collect the water and allow it to sit for 12 hours, this lets the mud settle to the bottom. 

Second, stuff a hollow stick, log, pipe, tube with grass, sand, crushed charcoal (not ash!) sand, then grass again, in that order. 

Run the water through that makeshift filter back into a container.

Don't take the water from the settling at the bottom, as you don't want to stir the dirt back into it. 

Finally, boil the water for at least 10 minutes. Allow to cool and use as soon as possible. 

Water can also be purified with household bleach. 

8 drops of bleach per gallon of water can kill most bacteria quickly if you have to get water fast or on the run.

More important than whales.

Sometimes, when you're out hunting whales, you get horrible diseases like... scurvy, or... a unibrow.

In other news, this is not about hippos.

Hippo Week 1

Every year  sharks kill an average of 5 people. Hippos kill over 2000. Why then, is there shark week but not hippo week? Here at your friendly local alpacalypse, we'd like to fix that. I present to you, HIPPO WEEK, a week where I post things about hippos, and how they will KILL you.

To start off, hippos weigh more than three tons/tonnes, which can amount to over 8000 pounds, which is a lot of british money indeed. 

Hippos can run at over 18 miles per hour, but not for an hour. However, my guess is, neither can you, so you're still doomed.

Hippos fear nothing, especially not the contents of your fanny-pack of the flash on your digital happy snap camera. Here is a photo of hippos eating a crocodile, or at least chewing on it. 

I'd say "oh the humanity!" but thats a crocodile.

Furthermore, hippos are equipped with strong jaws, massive sharp teeth, a thick blubbery protective hide and a short temper.

That all wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the temper part. But seriously, hippos will attack for no conceivable reason. Sorta like those people on the motorized scooters at wal-mart.

Hippos: the fat blubbery killer. 

Pies!

So, you know how people say things like "that was the best burrito EVER!" Then say it again several months later with a different burrito? THAT IRKS ME.

Seriously, there can only be one "best ever" if you already decided that, no future burrito can surpass it because of the "ever" operator. If you said "That was the best burrito I've ever had!" it would be okay, but NO. Its not okay. Stop. Just stop.

Sorry Italy...

Believe it or not, these are sketches of the same man by two different sketchers™ (beat that!) who sketched the... wait, yeah.

Anyhow, the difference stems not from sketching different people, but from one sketchers profound racism towards Italians. Well, I mean, for a shoe company they do a good job, but REALLY, can you expect them to be completely equal opportunity when their motto is "beat that"? Really. Beat WHAT? Huh!? HUH!? WHO YOU TALKIN' TOO, FOO!"

-ahem-

I assure you, officer, I am not high.

Poke it til' it pokes back.

"Intending to chew on the muffin, Tina was surprised to discover the feeling was mutual."

The muffin then proceeded to lick the remaining crumbs out of the wrapper. 

Sweet dreams, muffin eaters...

Sheesh, I'll cook it already, gosh, don't have to yell.

Lookee, now I take pictures of my pictures with a picture camera! 

<higher quality installed for your enjoyment>

Having begrudgingly promised Bob he would work on cooking the skewer of lamb, George went back to flaming people on internet forums. 

If a flame sits in an office chair, won't the office chair catch fire? This office must spend a lot of money on replacing office chairs. 

Aaand, Bob is kinda fat, you'd think being a flame, his metabolism would be higher.

I will be on tour again to Chicago for a week, posts will again be infrequent, so sorry, preciousssss.